Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Woo Hoo!!!

Unfortunately, now I have to watch the Grammys. Fortunately, it's just the beginning.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Two posts in one day?! You're shitting me!

What else am I supposed to do while procrastinating on work that will make me money?

People who are familiar with my past blog life remember when I would post qualitative assessments of women and ask for feedback from the audience. I'm kind of bringing that back for a limited engagement. I was poking around on BostonBruins.com today and went to the "Ice Girls" section.

Ice Girls are a strange, questionably successful, feature added by several NHL teams over the past few years. Basically they are (hopefully) attractive women with ice skating ability acting as hockey cheerleaders. They superficially clean ice shavings during breaks in play, and do promotional stuff like shoot t-shirts into the crowd during intermissions. Hockey purists, I'm sure, would like to see all Ice Girls cross-checked into goal posts by Pee-Wee players for between-period entertainment. But they're good for something: subjective voting!

Here is the Boston Bruins Ice Girls page.

Since I'm too lazy to post pictures, names and profiles here, you'll have to follow the link and click through each girl to pick your favorites. Leave a comment about who you like the best. Include profile information in making your choices, not just the picture. Let's get a well-rounded Miss Bruin Ice Girl 2007.

I will not be sharing my selection, as I have not made one. It's the only decent thing a married man can do. But see if you can spot my long-lost, much younger twin sister among them. The similarities between us are shocking, even considering a couple gender-centric differences in movie and music taste.

The Slender Reed's Sundance Review 2007

I figured that since I was lacking blogging material, I should take advantage of my unique geographical situation and post about the Sundance Film Festival. Since tickets to all the big movies were sold out (even though I paid $5 for "early" online ticket buying) we only got to see a Shorts program and a movie called The Nines. But here's my take on the slice of Sundance I was able to see.

Shorts - There were 6 short films in this program: Sophie, Pop Foul, Windowbreaker, The Dawn Chorus, William, and Hard to Swallow. They were all interesting. Sophie and William especially were head scratchers. The Dawn Chorus had a really unique premise, was funny and a little sad, but Hard to Swallow was the run-away winner of this group. Hilariously funny and raunchy. If you get a chance to see it, do.

The Nines - This is a very interesting film in it's structure and story development. As you can see from the review at the bottom of the IMDB page linked above, it's kind of a head-turner. John August, the writer-director, has an eclectic writing pedigree. He's written for Tim Burton, a cartoon feature, the Charlie's Angels movies, and Go (a Doug Liman film I loved). The movie stars Ryan Reynolds, of "Two Guys and Girl" and "Van Wilder" fame. He's known as a comic actor, and he's very funny, but hopefully he'll totally sell Hollywood on his dramatic chops in this film. (I don't think The Amityville Horror and Blade: Trinity are going to cut it in that regard.) He's awesome in the movie, showing great range in the space of one movie. Hope Davis, one of those "I've seen her in a bunch of stuff but never really noticed her" is equally great. I've liked her in several movies over the years (still haven't seen American Splendor, though) and was glad to see her showcased in this film. Melissa McCarthy, the spunky Gilmore Girls regular, is likeable but didn't impress me much.

Now for the plot. The film jumps in the middle of events and you don't know what's really going on, or where things are leading, until the end. The story and structure do a great job of entertaining and intriguing you until you are very anxious to know what the ultimate explanation is going to be. There are a few "what the ?" moments that don't really add to the mystery that are a bit of a distraction. When the movie finally comes to the climax, though, the "reveal" is very unsatisfying, in my opinion. I found myself picking apart all that had come before for inconsistencies the way everyone tried to pick apart The Sixth Sense after the big twist. Don't worry, there are no ghosts. But I felt the premise and plot were driving toward something more surprising, interesting, and original. It's one slip by the filmmaker, but it's a pretty damn big one. Still, I recommend seeing it if it makes it to wide release. It's a very well shot and acted film, and certainly pulls you in. And BTW, if my body looks like Ryan Reynolds' in a year or two, then all the money we spent on the gym membership will be totally worth it.

There were like 10 other films we wanted to see over The Nines (not the Dakota Fanning rape one) but were sold out. I'll be curious to see if those get picked up and released nationwide. Still, I was glad to have seen The Nines. Even though tickets were $15 each.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

You'll never guess what I've been doing today

Go on, guess. Nope, not that. It has to do with music. Close. Give up? I've been listening to Japanese rock bands! I like to poke around Slate everyday, and came upon this interesting article today. It talks about songs by foreign artists you can't buy from iTunes here in the States, and it highlights several Japanese bands. The article praises the Japanese rock scene, favorably comparing bands to well-known English and American acts. Well, I thought I'd check it out, and this is what I found:
1. They're all terribly derivative of American and English bands; and
2. It's hard to listen to rock in a foreign language and get into it.

I don't mean those findings to sound so negative. I heard lots of good music, but not my next great discovery (Rob Crow-led bands is my current one). One band that did impress me, though, is Straightener. These kids write some really good songs. Sure, you could name maybe 12 bands from the last 10 years whose sound they've borrowed from, but it works. They also make some pretty neat videos. Here's a YouTube page with several of their music videos and some concert footage. Check them out! (Especially you, Scarlet and JaG. Oh, and you two should check out a Scottish band called The Fratellis, if you haven't already.) And make sure you watch the video for "Berserker Tune". It's not on that page, but it should come up in the "Related Videos" list for other songs of theirs. It's a really cool video.

As for TV, I haven't been watching that much. I've got quite a DVR backlog since we started working out at nights. Last week's Office and 30 Rock were awesome. I suspect both Ed Helms' and Rashida Jones' characters will be leaving soon from the Scranton Office of Dunder Mifflin. I was able to sneak in Scrubs and 30 Rock because ABC rebroadcast Grey's on Friday. Except my local affiliate pre-empted that with some Billy Graham show, so we missed Grey's altogether! I'm going to try to watch it online, or download it from iTunes. Bummer. Loved the return of Heroes. Eagerly awaiting Lost (did you hear ABC and the producers are talking about setting an end date? That's good news, meaning they can lock down the plot and get things moving.) Haven't watched this week's 24, so don't say anything yet.

As for working out, it's going well. Last week, when I wrote about the Gym Douche of the Week, I totally forgot about who SHOULD have been given that title. Once you hear the story, I'm sure you'll understand how I blocked it from my mind:

I use the locker room at the gym, but only to store my things in a locker. I don't change, I don't shower. If only more men followed this practice. I routinely see naked men wandering around the locker room. Not scurrying for a towel, or quickly putting clothing on. They're just walking around, in no hurry to do anything. (Sadly, according to my wife, there's no similar activities happening in the women's locker room. Thanks for bursting that bubble, Sweetie.)

Most of these guys are a bit older and not in great shape, although I'm not saying it would be better if they were young studs. I mean by that comment that I'm guessing it's some sort of generational thing. The gym is not a means to an end for them, it's a hang out. They don't come to get buff. They have no qualms about standing around naked while having conversations. Maybe they're all gay and treating 24 Hour Fitness like a bath house, but I don't have enough evidence to support that hypothesis. As uncomfortable as this behavior makes me, it does not rise to the level of Douchocity. But one among them has elevated the practice of Douching to an unimaginable height. I walked into the locker room to see a naked man in his 50s drying himself. But he wasn't drying himself with a towel. He was using the hand-blower. Not for his hands, not for his arms, not for his face, not for his chest.

He was drying his taint.

Yes, his motherfucking grundle!! He had his foot raised on top of the blower, directing the air flow betwixt his legs. I rushed past to find a locker, and when I was leaving to go work out, he had switched legs, apparently so that the other, still wet side of his unmentionable connective tissue could be dried. What the hell is wrong with this guy?!?! Even if he only did it in the privacy of his own home, he's got issues I don't want to know about. But here he is, publicly airing out his naughty business (right by the entrance, mind you) for all to see. I don't know that this guy could be topped in the Douchebaggery department. I'll try to keep my eyes out for other candidates, but that would require opening them. ::shudder::

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Uh oh, here comes some more cussin'


The Patriots HAD IT! 21-6 at the half! The defense got too soft. Peyton Manning and the Colts' offense is potent, but did the D have to allow two touchdowns early in the 3rd quarter? I shouldn't complain. Both teams played well, and it was a close game. Fucking penalties at the end sealed the Patriots' doom. Not only the lame-ass roughing the passer penalty they called that put the ball halfway to the goal line, but also the Pats' 12-men in the huddle penalty on the possession right before the Colts took the lead. They'd have had a first down if they didn't have so far to go. That was just stupid. But it's how it happened, and it was a good season with virtually an all new receiving corps and a beat-up secondary. But motherfucking dammit, I'm still pissed they lost. It doesn't matter how much they've won recently. If you're a fan, you want them to win the Superbowl every year.

I guess I'll root for the Colts to win it all. I fucking hate the Bears.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Pardon my recent profanity

I'll try not to swear too much today. That last post just needed a lot of emphasis. I haven't watched much TV this week except for 24, so I've got nothing new to report there. Apparently the Idol auditions are quite disturbing. I don't get into this phase of the show, but I have them recorded. I'll check some out this weekend.

What I'd like to talk about a bit today is football. Yes, I'm a big Patriots fan, and I was ecstatic about their come-from-behind win over the Chargers last weekend. Now I'm equally anxious about the meeting with the Colts in Indy. But I don't want to talk much about those games. What I want to show you is the work of BradyFan83. Check out this guy's videos on YouTube. They're hilarious. Especially the one called "Brady". It's a homoerotic tribute to Tom Brady, to the tune of Kenny Rogers' "Lady". Enjoy.

I'm having difficulty casting my Gym Douche of the Week. Maybe I need to pay more attention. So this week I'll nominate my personal trainer. He's been overworking both my wife and me to the point of vomitous exhaustion and repeated inability to use crucial limbs. And then he tries to sell us more sessions because they are the only way to reach our goals. Thanks but no thanks, Biff. He's actually not a bad guy, but I'm glad my sessions are over. My wife, however, is graduating to hour-long sessions from half-hour sessions. Please pray for her.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God! Oh, My Fucking God!

Yeah, the new season of "24" is pretty good so far.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Wow! Look at these cobwebs!

I've been away from/avoiding this blog for a couple weeks now. Sorry, but the holidays, family, work, and apathy have been keeping me away. I suppose part of my lack of inspiration has been the fact that I can't write about too much going on in my life for fear of this place being found. Also, there's the fact that not much has been happening. Events have transpired, though, so here's a short recap:

- Despite my best (to date) efforts, my wife once again out-gifted me this Christmas, giving me two shows on DVD (Arrested Development, all 3 seasons and Veronica Mars, seasons 1 & 2) and a season ski pass, among other things I'm forgetting right now.

- We joined a gym! It wasn't a New Years resolution, it just happened to coincide with the new year. We actually bought a pre-paid, three year membership with personal training sessions. We're going to be serious about fitness and getting hot. So far so good, although we're a bit sore. I thought about doing a "Gym Douche of the Week" feature on the blog, but so far I've only seen two semi-ridiculous people. They weren't very offensive or funny, so I'm not sure how that's going to work out. Heh heh. Get it? "Work out"?

- As I am wont to do after birthdays and Christmas, I buy stuff I really want that is too hard for people to know I want. Here's what I got:

  • The new Foo Fighters live CD
  • The new Tanya Donelly "live" CD
  • 2 CDs by Heavy Vegetable
  • 3 CDs by Thingy
  • 1 CD by The Ladies
  • 1 CD by Pond
  • 1 CD by Band of Horses
  • Paul Simon's "Rhythm of the Saints" album, from iTunes
  • "The Fear You Won't Fall" by Joshua Radin, from iTunes
  • "Angels of the Silences" by Counting Crows, from iTunes
  • 15 non-live, non-album tracks from "Message in a Box", The Police Box Set, from iTunes
  • A 2007 Boston Bruins wall calendar
  • A 2007 VH1 Pop Fact of the Day desk calendar, which is pathetically inadequate compared to last year's Entertainment Weekly Great American Pop Culture Quiz desk calendar
  • 2 new Doonesbury books (one was a sneaky gift from another blogger)
  • Volume #11 of Robert Jordan's interminable fantasy series "The Wheel of Time"
  • An out-of-print book from my childhood that takes place in my hometown (!!!)

I think that's it. Good stuff.

- I hope to be posting semi-regularly again. Although about what, I'm not sure. Maybe TV stuff. Last night's episode of 'The Office' was great. It was really funny without being too much. But the end was the best because I actually wanted to shout at the screen out of frustration. So as not to spoil it for anyone, I won't get into details. It was a good frustration because you realize how much you care about what's happening, and how you hope for a resolution soon.

- When I started this blog I mentioned that I may get a bit racy from time to time. So far I haven't followed through on that. But hopefully I'll have something to post along those lines soon. In the meantime, here's a racy picture of hot, though something's a little weird about her, Sofia Vergara from the new 'Knights of Prosperity' show, which is pretty funny. Not "making up for the fact that I can't watch '30 Rock' anymore" funny, but pretty good.

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UPDATE: I just found something both racy AND hilarious! Check out Star Wars porn! Lucas just can't stop tinkering with these films, can he?